I murdered the dance floor call the cops
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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