I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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