My room smells like vodka and shame
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
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Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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