i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
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End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
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I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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