Im at strip club and am horny
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize