my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize