1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize