I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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