In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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