shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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