Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I supernannyed him into submission
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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