just tell him i said nine months
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
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I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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