when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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