A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
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I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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