and next time when you feel me up, do it right
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
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No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
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I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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