We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
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you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
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Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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