i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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