I just pynch a tree in the face
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood and glitter go together right?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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