My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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