Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
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Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
And then he peed in my hair
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