so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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