At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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