really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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