thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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