I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
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Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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