There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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