its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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