I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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