My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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