I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
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Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
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DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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