cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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