I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize