So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
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I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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