you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
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That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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