she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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