That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
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I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
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The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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