we have officially lost it.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
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just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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