So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
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Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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