The maid of honor just puked.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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