Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize