In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
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Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
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I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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