gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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