Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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