Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
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I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
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I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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