Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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