i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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