My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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