Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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