Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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