woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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